Exploring the Who in You

I was recently asked a question that I was too tired to evaluate in the moment, and that caught me so off guard by its honesty and relevance that I simply spoke my own truth in response. Before I tell you the question, I need to give some context. 

 “For surely, I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.” -Jeremiah 29:11-12

In our American context, we often assume the “you” in these verses is us – or more specifically, “me” – the reader. If I’m reading my Bible and a prophet says, “You should do this,” I assume they are talking to me. Why wouldn’t I? I’m the only one here. If we pause and think about the earliest context of the scriptures, we remember that personal copies of the text were not common till more recent years. Scripture was most often heard by a community. When we stop and remember that the “you” of the prophets is most often “us,” we are also reminded that being the people of God is a group project. 

In early November, HELM’s Leadership Fellows gathered in Chicago for their annual retreat, exploring the theme “Discernment and Decision Making.” Rev. Julian DeShazier of University Church in Chicago brought our students into conversation with scripture, Howard Thurman, and themselves. That “themselves” invites more grammatical gymnastics, and the answer is “yes.” Rev. DeShazier invited them to reflect on who they are and how they take time to listen inwardly, putting them in conversation with Thurman, who said:

“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have.”

While there may be excellent processes for making decisions, we wrestled with which part of ourselves is making the call. Is it a reflexive fear response? Is it a people pleaser or a protector? Is the voice guiding us our genuine self?  Thus, the beginning of decision making is pausing to listen – deeply listen to ourselves and maybe be in conversation with ourselves till we know what voice is guiding us. By pausing, we can listen for the genuine and for the Spirit at work within us. 

The next question is whose interests we are representing. Are we deciding for a singular self, or for the community around us? Are we deciding out of our own self-interest or as part of the people of God? Who is the you? If we hope to lead others, we must do some deep listening to the world as well. We listen to those we are in a relationship. We listen to strangers. We listen to voices that are different from our own. We listen to wind and leaves – the traffic and hum of civilization – the sighs and the laughter of our world. In such listening, we can look beyond the loudest voices shouting at us and discern where God might be guiding us in the days to come.

Thurman says it this way:

“The movement of the Spirit of God in the hearts of men and women often calls them to act against the spirit of their times or causes them to anticipate a spirit which is yet in the making. In a moment of dedication, they are given wisdom and courage to dare a deed that challenges and to kindle a hope that inspires."

While there are some great programs for surveying, collecting ideas, prioritizing, and making choices, leading in a community begins with listening – deep listening. Then we can begin to balance the needs around us, the authentic voice within, and look for the best path forward for everyone.

Our time with the Leadership Fellows also included a panel discussion with experienced leaders, lunch with seminary students who are actively wrestling with their own discernment process, and time for self-reflection and communal worship.  

After it was all over – after two long days, and as we were getting ready for bed with very early flights looming over us, one of the students plopped down into a chair next to me and asked, “Lee, what do you hope we got out of this weekend?”  

I won’t share my answer here. It was an exhausted, nonlinear, rambling reflection that seemed well-received, and remains less important than the question. The question was an embodiment of the weekend. The question was evidence that our students were organically and relationally listening. The question was a reminder that we are all part of someone else’s community – someone younger’s community, and they are ready and willing to lead. 

For those who read to the end of this article, I’d like to ask you, “What did you hope to get out of it?” 

• What resonated with our own authentic self?

• What issue are you wrestling with that kept you scrolling?

• What voices around you echo or are in conversation with these themes?

• Where do all these voices converge and where are they leading you?

I ask because God promises that there are plans for us – for our welfare and not for harm - to give us a future filled with hope! God longs for us to pause, pray, and listen so that we might follow a way beyond the hurt and harm of this present day. 

Thank you to all the students who were my teachers and who are my leaders in this ministry. 

Leadership Fellows Retreat, Chicago 2025