Where are the answers?

I have come to a point in my life where I realize that I know absolutely nothing. Honestly I can not help but see the irony in this as this is the time that I am supposed to be figuring things out and defining myself, putting the finishing touches on the human being that is Courtney Waters. Light bulbs are really supposed to be going off inside me; instead the light inside my brain is as lackluster as the gray sky outside my window. So what am I really talking about here? LIFE — this really important thing of mine that I am incredibly unsure of, and have no clue as to what to do with. So how do I find the answers? Where do I go to retrieve my sanity? No, seriously, I really want to know.

I have been on this constant search for things that make sense to me, and I am reluctant to tell you that I have found nothing. I was told that I needed to read my "Book of Life" more often, that I would read it and the answers would start to come. Well they have not arrived actually. As a mater of fact that always gives me more questions such as, do I believe that Jesus is the only way to the father? If he is, what about people who have never heard of Jesus? Will Christians be the only people in heaven? The fundamentals of most religions are pretty much the same, so the differences could simply be a matter of interpretation. Would God really punish me or someone else for interpreting wrongly? Is the Bible the final answer to all of life's questions? This is yet another demonstration of how I know absolutely NOTHING!

I am truly bothered by these questions unanswered. I get a different perspective each time I ask my questions, which leads me to believe that I have to answer them for myself. But what if my interpretations are wrong? What if I know even less than what I think?

It is at times like these when I realize that some things are simply a gamble. I guess that is what faith is, figuring it out and hoping that you have hit the mark. I feel this way about my life a lot. Some people just seem so sure of their choices, about everything. I am not even sure about some things, unless you can count being sure that I am clueless. I feel like I am bouncing around in space waiting to hit something solid, and that something hasn't come yet. Life for me is a lot of mushy stuff; nothing has a solid foundation. Of course I realize that as a Christian I am supposed to serve others, be a good steward of resources, be humble, and fellowship with others. But is this enough? Will that get me into heaven? Where is heaven? Is is literal or figurative?

This is exactly the thing I was talking about. Everything goes back to questions. I have questions about everything. I am trying to come to grips with the fact that I don't know a lot of things, but I can't help but think that I should know at least something. Nothing? Really? Is that it? Well, I am determined to figure something out no matter how long it takes. I maintain my faith that some things will come to me eventually.