Finding motivation to do God's work

As summer comes to a close and I contend with the issues that come with registering and being cleared to start school, I realize that life is full of setbacks. Setbacks like not being able to buy a car this semester, or having to spend the money I earned from my summer internship on school payments really make me wonder about how I am supposed to spend my life. I mean, I worked all summer, as I was supposed to do, to save up for the things I wanted. Still, after working hard, my plans fell through.

If life is capable of turning out completely the opposite of the way I planned, what is the use of planning in the first place? What is the use of working hard if it doesn't pay off? I was told at a young age that I am supposed to make something of myself and that life is not one big party. Well, when I really analyze the issues that I face as a result of trying to "make something of my life" I wonder why life can not be one big party. Who says I can't just do the things that I like to do all the time? Whose rule is it that I have to be concerned with other people's opinions about how my life turns out? Why is it that I have to deal with the rat race of life when it is me who ultimately makes decisions for my life? Life can be whatever I want it to be, right? After all, I only get one shot at this.

I think about my life in regards to service very often as well. I do a lot of community service and I gain a great deal from my endeavors, but sometimes it can be very stressful. I volunteer at a Crisis Center, often times counseling people who feel that they are at the end of life's rope. Listening to the realities of other people's worlds is often overwhelming. I feel responsible for getting them back on their feet. I fret over the problems that my callers have and often internalize their issues. I deal with my own circumstances, then I am expected to combat those of other people. Doing service on the behalf of others becomes so overwhelming that I wonder if someone else should do it. If I didn't work my shift at Habitat for Humanity, Adopt-A-Friend, or Crisis Center, wouldn't the directors not simply place someone else in my spot? If this is the case, how much does it really matter that I show up?

I have thoughts like these when I become weary from carrying life's burdens. This is not the way I wish to feel but sometimes a person just gets burned out. It is at times like these that I remember the scripture, Matthew 22:14 which says "For many are called, but few are chosen." We are all called to make good lives for ourselves so that we may in turn pass on the blessing, but there are only a few who accept the call and are chosen to walk with the father. At the heart of it all I realize that the reason I deal with life is because I know that God means for me to spend my life helping others. My life is supposed to be lived unselfishly, and that comes with a price. I would not be content knowing I spent my life storing up for myself and shared nothing with others.

As for my "not always so positive" thoughts about playing by the rules in life, I realize that we are bought at a price which, for me, means that if Jesus himself had to pay a price for me to have life, I can give back in the small increments that I pay in dealing with daily stressors. I am human, and I imagine that those of us who are human don't get it right all of the time. We are not always as zealous as we should be to do God's work; we can become burned out and lose sight of what is really important in life. I hope that in sharing my experiences I may bless someone who is at their breaking point, as I have been lately. Being a Christian does not disentitle me from feeling some stress or getting tired of dealing with life, but it does entitle me to always reflect and recall the reasons why I give of my time and talents in the first place.