How messy is your spiritual apartment?

My apartment is pretty messy right now. There are clothes piled everywhere; some are clean, others are dirty. I have a mound of papers under my coffee table, mostly bills which I hope I've paid. I have dirty dishes in my sink and a bag that still hasn't been unpacked from my trip to Kansas City a week ago. I'm sitting here at one in the morning trying to figure out what to write to you about the impact of my HELM ministry project in my life; trying to culminate the meaning of my last years of college into one simple essay, and all I can seem to relate it to is my apartment: Sometimes, life is pretty messy.

Before I continue on, please humor me as I continue with my metaphor.

Now you may ask if my apartment is always this dirty and I would say no. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes I manage to get everything pretty cleaned up. However, that's only from an outsider's perspective. If I'm going to have company over, I desperately rush around, taking out the trash and trying to find the nearest crevice to hide all of the random junk that never seems to disappear. Usually, I do a pretty good job. People come over and say, "Wow! Your apartment is so clean!"

The more I see, the more I realize that this is how many people live. We would do almost anything to hide the messiness of our lives. We don't invite people over because we fear that they'll see the real mess we are. When we do invite people in, we make sure that the closet, stuffed full of our dirty clothes, is shut tight and locked so that no one can get in. However, what most people seem to forget is that everyone cleans for company. You are not alone in your messiness.

Through my ministry in my sorority and because of several relationships that I have been blessed with, I have been privy to a lot of messiness. As with most schools, the Greek system at times appears to be the epitome of brokenness and messiness. The issues vary - from pride and selfishness to cursing to eating disorders to self-hatred to sexual immorality - plus many, many more. All of these issues are those which have been hidden in shame because no one thinks that anyone else struggles with it. The reality is that we are all hopeless wrecks, which is why we've been given the wonderful gift of grace.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9, Paul writes, "But he [the Lord] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." If this is true, how often do we let Christ's power shine through in our lives? As I did when I first started the ministry in my sorority, I still find myself telling God "I'm not good enough! Choose someone else! My life is too messy! What can I possibly do?" Meanwhile, I hear Him softly whispering back to me, "No, I will not choose someone else, because My grace is sufficient for you; you are forgiven, you are cleansed, you do not have to pretend to be something you're not, I see all of you and I still love you. What is more, because you are so weak and cannot handle this yourself, I will now be able to display My power in your life. Don't worry! I am doing what you can't even imagine right now!"

If nothing else, my work in this ministry has helped me to understand the depth of my insufficiency. In realizing that, I have opened myself to experiencing God's grace and His power in my weakness. I have learned that we will never be able to clean up our lives through our own self-will, but if we open the door to Christ and surrender control to Him, He will gladly come in with his power vacuum and make something beautiful out of the wreckage. Jesus is saying, "Behold I stand at the door and knock..." (Revelation 3:20). Are you opening the door?

Valerie Steffen is in her third year as a HELM Leadership Fellow and is a member of First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Shawnee, Oklahoma.