God in my past, present, and future

Growing up in Durham, NC, God wasn't a big part of my life, not the way He is now. God helped to make my family a real family, a closer family than I could have ever imagined. God had answered my prayers and I was truly thankful. Without Him, I wouldn't be the responsible, caring, and giving person I am today. I feel like I owe so much to God because he has given me meaning to my life.

In the past, I remember hearing about God and the Ten Commandments, mostly from my mom and from what little amount of church I had growing up. My mom always wanted me and my brother to go to church every Sunday, just like she did when she was a child. My dad, on the other hand, didn't care about going to church and would rather sleep in and watch football or NASCAR.

The only times I remember going to church as a kid was on holidays. We would have to get up early because we had a good hour or more to drive to church. The church my mom grew up in was an hour away in Goldsboro. We always went to that church to spend time with my grandparents on holidays. I loved that church. My mom soon tried to find a closer church to us in Durham so we could start going regularly, but I didn't like them anywhere near as much as I liked my mom's church in Goldsboro. After going to a few churches in Durham, I remember telling my mom, "I want to go to your church in Goldsboro! None of these are like that. We can go every weekend. I'll get up early. Please. I don't like the churches around here." My mom decided to try it for a while. We did, but it took a huge toll on my mom because my dad never helped much with me and my brother. Basically, my idea became a crash-and-burn not too long after.

I really started to get into church when my mom, brother, and I moved to Goldsboro to live with my grandparents. God had led my family to Goldsboro, and my dad chose to stay in Durham. While attending First Christian Church in Goldsboro, I learned all about God and his chosen plan for each of us. It never really sunk in until a friend of my grandfather led the Adult Sunday school lesson. He spoke about God and about how we get to heaven. What really shook me up was when he said, "You can't just go to church and give an offering and think that will get you to heaven. You have to carry out his works and be God's disciple. Also, pray to God not just when you need him, but also to thank him for the things you already have…You should never wonder if you are going to heaven, you should know." I was caught off-guard and thrown for a loop. I then wondered, "If I died tomorrow would I go to heaven?" I had no clue. All this time, I went to church and believed in God. I had never really thought about how I could carry out God's works.

Once my brother and I decided to join First Christian Church, Reverend Fred Clarke decided to have an Upper Youth pastoral class for just me and my brother. He started to really teach us about God, and he answered all of our questions. He made us feel comfortable in talking about God and questioning God. Rev. Fred taught me about doing God's works and following God's path.

As I looking for colleges to attend, I already had my mind made up about going to East Carolina University. One day, my counselor told me to apply to Barton College, since I was a Disciple. Once I was accepted to ECU and Barton College, I soon visited each. I soon realized that I loved both ECU and Barton, which threw off my plans. I never expected to like Barton. I let God guide me, so I visited each again. This time, there was no hesitation that Barton was the school for me. God had guided me to Barton for a reason, and I have no regrets or guilt about not going to ECU. I couldn't be happier about going to Barton. I feel like God guided me to Barton to help further and strengthen my relationship with God. I was afraid of losing God when I went off to college, but somehow I actually have a deeper connection with God and it's amazing.

God has molded me into the person I am today. He has guided me along and made my family more of a family. God has shown me that my dad will never change his ways, so he has been mostly out of my life for about three years. Instead of getting upset about it, I realized God has given me my grandparents to take care of that void in my heart and to keep me with God.

Melissa Hall is in her first year as a HELM Leadership Fellow and is a member of First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Goldsboro, North Carolina.