Called in a different way

Looking back at growing up, I recognize that a place for me has always existed in the church. The question has always been, where? My father was in the military and because of one reason or another I did not regularly attend a Disciples church until I was 5 years old. Although my church family has helped me grow into the "young adult" they so label me today, several assumptions were made that haunt me to this day. Because my sister went to TCU and majored in religion, they assumed I would follow suit. Because her call was to ministry, of whatever manner she ends up choosing, it was assumed that so was mine.

Upon getting to college, these assumptions grew. My sister's friends at Brite Divinity tried to convince me to change my major. Art history was obviously not my calling. "Follow the light, Sara." Become a minister and join the ranks of Disciples majoring in religion. Many a people asked me, "You don't feel called to ministry?" After my response was "no," the most frequent response was, "Oh, you just don't know it yet."

I have spent the last three and a half years fighting my way through college. In May, I will graduate from TCU with a Bachelor of the Arts in Art History. I say this because from day one I knew that the church, though I love it, was not meant for my vocation. I never had the desire or the passion to preach or the strong will to be a youth minister. As strong of an individual as I know I am, it is hard enough for me to handle the hurdles of my own life without bearing the weight of an entire congregation's. Instead of the life so many have tried to press on me, I find myself pulled towards the direction of working in museums. At the present moment I want to do museum administration, a profession that has limited ties to the church despite the vast history of religious subject matter in art. I know in my heart this is what I am supposed to do.

Because ministry was not my calling, I have found my place in the church somewhere else. My first two summers of college I counseled at JYF camp here in the Trinity Brazos Area. If anyone knows anything about JYF aged youth, it takes a special someone to spend a week with 4th and 5th graders. For many of them, it is their first time away from home. For others, they are dead set that they do not want to be there and will do almost anything to try to go home. And yet others are there because church camp is what they look forward to in the summer. I have been all three of those children, and I recognize that the amazing time I had at camp was directly dependent on the counselors that took care of me. Having my turn to provide youth with a similar camping experience is one of the new loves of my life.

This past summer I could not counsel because I was taking summer school and studying abroad. Half way through the summer it hit me that something was missing. There was actually a spot inside me that felt empty and I realized it was because I had not spent a week in Athens, Texas with the most awesome elementary school aged youth you will ever meet. I may not feel called to preach, or to direct the youth full time, but I do feel called to share such an important and spiritual week with the youth of the church. I always hear, "the youth are the future of the church." This is true and my place is with them, helping them continue on the journey to become the leaders we know they can be.

Sara Blackwood is in her fourth year as a HELM Leadership Fellow and is a member of Bethany Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in El Paso, Texas.