My world...my life, just as a crumbled sheet of paper one without hesitation tosses in the trash, crumbled before my very eyes and was seemingly thrown away, as I held my mom's hand as she took her last breath. My heart never felt so heavy and shattered. Until this day, I still cannot believe that my mom is not physically by my side.

Losing her, I know, will be a life long struggle as it already is. In the midst of feeling this pain, I wonder why God, whom I had total faith in and who had given me hope in knowing he'd save my mom, would take her away so soon. I not only lost my best friend, but along with losing her, I lost much of the faith and hope that had sustained me and given me the peace I needed to live with pleasance in my life; the peace I'd always known through my relationship with God.

Weakened faith and hope, debilitated my drive, motivation and even my inner strength and sense of self. I knew I needed to recognize God's presence in my life. I was just confused and a bit selfish; I wanted my angelic mom to myself. I had to remember even in the darkest hours, how merciful God had been. Blessing me to have a mom like I did and the priceless relationship we shared were things He did not have to do. There were so many other times He could have taken her, but his mercy allowed me more time with her.

My pastor once stated in our church program, "the only people who like change are wet babies." Sometimes in life we get so distraught and deformed when things don't go as we planned. It's so hard when the life we planned is not the life we receive. This has been so hard for me to accept.

Nonetheless, one must remember that God has a divine plan. I always try to remember a short verse from Ecclesiastes 3:1, "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." Missing and longing for my mom will never fade away. But I have gained the faith and hope back, through prayer and believing that I need to have peace in order to overcome each day.

I want to thank my entire HELM Family for keeping me, my Dad and my entire family in your most sincere prayers. As we all know, prayer changes things; it surely has for me. Keep the faith and stay hopeful, for God has a divine plan.