Alone in faith?

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and there are so many events that I am looking forward to! First there is the school holiday which means I can go home and see my family after a long, nice(?) separation. Second of course is many people's favorite part of Thanksgiving: the turkey!! I love food and I love eating and I'm already imagining the feast that is to come. Besides the family and the food however, Thanksgiving is special because it is a time when I can take a moment to look back and truly realize with gratitude all the things that God has done for me in my life.

My high school years were a period of time when I experienced the lowest point of my spirituality and basically fell away from my walk with Christ. My parents had just become ordained as pastors with a small new church, and for the rest of high school I remained the only person of my congregation between the ages of 14 and 25. Without anyone to relate to and share my faith, church and God became alien. I envied my friends who attended large churches with large youth groups who seemed to live fulfilling lives under Christ. I became full of bitterness and anger towards my parents, myself, and especially God. Under the mask of the perfect Christian as a pastor's child, I was leading an ungodly life and it drove me even further away from God.

The idea of college was a great deal of worry for me. I was not confident that I would be able to uphold my faith in an environment where I was independent and free to make my own decisions without my parents. Would I abandon church and God completely? Would I continue to live a fake life under the Christian mask? These were some of the questions that ran through my mind and in all honesty I could not completely assert myself.

Thankfully, God had a plan for me. During my first week in Berkeley I was introduced to a great church that was mainly composed of college students and young adults. For the first time in years I was able to meet fellow brothers and sisters in Christ of my own age group with whom I could relate and talk. I also met a great small group leader who taught me so much about God's word and encouraged me in my personal walk with Christ. Through God's grace, I have been able to grow spiritually since coming to college rather than falling away like I thought would happen.

God truly works in mysterious ways! Through my experiences during high school, I had been spiritually broken; God had presented me with trials so that I could come to truly seek him of my own will and come to know him for who He really is. Although the feelings of bitterness and anger about the last four years still surface occasionally, I am grateful that God worked in my life in such a way that I was able to come to terms with my doubts and emerge as a strong Christian. No matter how hard times may be or no matter how hopeless we may feel, God is there and will never leave us because He loves us boundlessly and unconditionally. And for this I am most thankful.

Sarah Cheon is in her first year as a HELM Leadership Fellow and is a member of Sallims Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Claremont, California.